September 22, 1999
Let’s all do…the Perry!!!

Well, after a rash of pre-cursory (and, to my defense, forged) e-mails, and my past experience with this gang, I was on guard long before I arrived. However, upon cautiously arriving at the resort, a calm and relaxed Laura and Val in the lobby soon convinced me otherwise. Little did I know that they were positioned in the lobby on purpose, and radioed ahead to the ambush that I was walking down the hall. Five Super Soakers greeted me as I opened my door. So much water was shot in my direction that maintenance had to come in with mops to clean up the reservoir. We even tipped them! Hey Laura, that’s the last time I send you flowers.

After a calm Saturday night of checking out the resort, some of us got up bright and early Sunday for our morning dive. It was Val’s first dive (Yeah, Val!) and Scott’s first Bahamian taste of food poisoning. Gotta love that conch salad! Other than that, nothing exciting to report. Back to the gang.

Already bored with the resort (and the multiple power outages), we headed up the beach to the Crystal Palace Casino. Jan was quickly (and rudely) introduced to gambling, especially roulette. So much money, so little time. But y’all missed it when the power went out. When it came back on, I could’ve sworn that the slot machines were ringing like crazy!

That night, back at the resort, life at Hurricane’s disco picked up. It was our first intro to Sumo wrestling. What a blast! I felt like the Pillsbury doughboy in that huge outfit! And if it wasn’t for the refs knocking me down and catapulting Melody on top of me, I would’ve had a straight-set victory!

Our Monday dive had more action than we anticipated. It’s pretty scary putting on your scuba gear, glancing over the side of the boat and seeing five sharks circling the ladder. Okay, Peggy, uh, Perry, you go first! But once they scattered and we got in the water, we calmed down. Except for Lisa and Val, who used Perry and myself as human shields when nine sharks came back. Without even trying to swim, I had a continuous eye-to-eye view with a circling shark, and fingernails in the back of my forearms.

But the most memorable event was the water skiing competition. Denise laughed as Bill lasted all of two minutes in his three attempts to get it up (uh, on water-skis). Then Scott set the stage as he let go of the rope and skied in towards Melody, who did a cool back and forth dance in waist deep water in her attempt to avoid getting a water-ski implanted in her belly button. And then it was Perry’s turn. Once Perry took off, we armed ourselves with Super Soakers for his return. As he skied in (rather fast, I might add), he was staring down the barrels of 4 guns. In his attempt to avoid us, he veered left, where the water quickly ran out, and skied onto the beach. So with the ski firmly planted in the sand, Perry kept going (at about 30 mph) in a manner similar to Scott’s superman leap at Steamboat. WHAM! Sand everywhere! Body pieces flying all over (Just kidding). Everyone was laughing so hard we didn’t even get a shot off! Well, things calmed down and Perry decided to check with a nurse. Turns out he broke his collar bone. Ouch!

With Perry’s return, we all headed to the disco for lots of dancing and the Christening of our new dance: The Perry! Well we finished that day with my Karaoke performance of “Twist and Shout”, followed by water volleyball until 1am.

Due to losing Perry and Val for diving, we were forced to dive with a larger group on Tuesday. Bummer. It’s amazing how spoiled we had been, having our own boat and crew (Nick and Robert) the last two days. So we couldn’t wait to get back and do some sea kayaking, uh, everyone except for Perry…

But Tuesday was also the start of our pool side happy hour, with our own music (which ended up entertaining the whole resort) and playing asshole with pigs. Forget snake eyes, we were makin’ bacon!!! And by the way, what have I ever done to deserve being made asshole, over 10 times? Rumor has it that while I was providing asshole services by getting hot dogs, I got out of asshole, then became asshole, got out of it, and then became it again. This must be that New Yawker hospitality I always hear about…

So, it was a welcome relief when we headed out to The Zoo Nightclub for some relaxation, and I didn’t have to run around getting drinks for everyone. Still, not much was happening that night anywhere around Nassau, so we headed back to the resort.

Wednesday was our trip to Atlantis. I bit overwhelming and over priced, but worth a look. Soon, it was back to the resort for some quality sunbathing, and another round of Asshole With Pigs, with another few turns at my anointed seat as asshole. And my little cheating escapade (which I almost pulled off) sent me into the pool, with chair, towel and drink included. So why again do I bother to play?

So making up for a lame prior night at The Zoo, we had our own beach party, where we befriended Joseph, head of security. Little did we know that we’d end up being his slaves, smuggling him drink after drink to keep him toasted through his 16 hour shift, day after day. I could just picture him being drunker than the guy he was arresting. In any case, he let the music blare, the shots flowed, and asshole Mike kept bringing the snacks.

By Thursday, we were ready for the Booze and Cruise. A huge party boat that cruises to a snorkeling stop, and an isolated island beach, with non-stop alcohol and music on a five hour tour. A five hour tour. Yuck, yuck. Melody and myself did pretty well in the limbo contest, but ended up 2nd and 3rd. And some snorkelers decided to put life jackets on as diapers and float around with a drink in one hand. Sounds like a good idea to me!

Later, back at the resort, the water balloon launcher made its appearance. Joseph, head of security, was cool enough (or drunk enough) to quell the complainers. And we couldn’t just let the partying stop, so we covered ourselves in bed sheets and headed for the Toga Party. Perry won the “Most Original Toga” contest with his One Arm Bandit design, and Melody won “Sexiest Female”. Okay, now I’m not saying that Perry is not creative, and Melody is not sexy, but with a group of 12 yelling behind them, I think our group had a slight edge in the judging! Actually, I take part of that back. Perry is not creative.

Friday was our last full day. So Lisa, Laura, Scott and myself did a final shark-feeding dive. Shark feeding, you say? Yeah, maybe it was a little stupid jumping into the water with 30 hungry sharks. Not to mention, the dive leaders were wearing chain mail armor. Still, it was awesome! Just sitting still and watching sharks (5-7 feet long) chowing on chump, about 5 feet away. More so, having them swim right by, with their pectoral fins bumping you. At one point, a shark decided to bump me pretty hard on the side of my head, which filled my mask with water and knocked the regulator out of my mouth. Two days later, the doctor said the shark had also ruptured my eardrum. Tack another injury to the list!

Back at the resort, it rained most of the day, so drying out all our wet clothes for the trip home was impossible. So we donned our last set of clean clothes for dinner at Pastafari and headed to the disco. It was time to show the locals how to do The Perry! But first, a last round of Sumo Wrestling. In summary, Scott gracefully let Laura win, Steve and MaryLou bounced around like weebles, and Bill crushed Jan. And what a better way to end the evening than a 3am drink in the hot tub. Oh, and of course, 4 more beers for the head of security.

Before packing up to leave, we were up early for one last day on the beach. Although no one really wanted to go, it really was time to go. Hurricane Floyd was about to smack the Bahamas, and a group of 77 guys from Philly had just arrived. That would probably ruin the guy-girl ratio at the resort. And who would want to hang out with 77 guys? Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing Lisa actually get on a plane…

Posted by mbang at September 22, 1999 02:36 PM