October 01, 1997
A Toast! To Scott and Laura!

Well, I knew I was in for a heck of a vacation when Lisa called less than 24 hours prior to departure and told me to arm myself with the largest Super Soaker I could find. And I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing vacation!

But before everyone else arrived, Lisa and I had time to check out the resort, grab a bite, relax by the pool, take a dip in the ocean and haggle through three room changes (You guessed it. The haggling was all Lisa’s doing!). Little did I know that this was as close as I got to the only peace and quiet I was going to get all week…

Moments after the rest of the gang arrived, you guessed it, the CPS2000 Super Soakers came out. Wow. And there I stood with my XP105 pump action, double air reserve Super Soaker, which could’ve easily been replaced with a Windex spray bottle. And with all these aquatic weapons running rampant all over the resort, I was constantly on edge. Lying on the beach, vegging in a hammock, or playing shuffleboard, you never knew when you were going to get nailed. And you call this a vacation?

Okay, there were a ton of other activities around that made up for the constant barrage. Take Fast Eddie’s Sports Bar for instance. On that first night, there was lots of dancing (on the foosball table), lots of drinking (including an upside down margarita), and a little mingling, with foreigners (if you consider Canada foreign). And then there was the late night snack bar to stuff down a last minute, greasy hamburger. Mmm. Stop farting, Scott.

The diving kicked in early, and to summarize: What a blast! Talk about swim-thrus! And drifting so far that you’d surface ½ mile from where you started. Even better, Lisa, George, Perry and myself went cavern diving in Akumel. I’ll never forget those salt water pockets. Eerie. And then there was the night dive, where creatures practically jumped out at us once we hit the water. Crabs, lobsters, stingray and octopi (Sorry, I’m guessing at the plural.)

But back to the resort, and the rest of the gang.

We never really ventured anywhere for dinner, and rightly so, since it was paid for and not that bad. There were always themes, like Chink night (Yeah, only I can say that and get away with it) with all those “pumpkins” wandering around. I guess they made up for the failed whoopie cushion, oh, and the friendly wait staff, right Scott?

By Wednesday, we all needed a break from the resort so off we went to Carlos and Charlies. I don’t remember too much from that night except for a volleyball court, a bunch of blow jobs (No, not me, unfortunately. And they were drinks. Perverts.) and Perry forgetting how to say all but one word: “Kato!”. My ears are still ringing.

The boat trip on Friday was a great getaway. There were a lot of lessons to be learned. Such as 1) don’t chug a bottle of Sprite when you’re thirsty since they generally seem to contain at least 50% vodka, 2) don’t sit downwind from Pam when she’s about to spit and 3) Perry can’t steer a Banana boat to save his life. Well, none of us probably could so who cares? And other than trying to get on and off the boat in swells, it was a great time, including the fishing (Hats off to Scott’s Mahi-mahi) and lunch on the beach (Mmm that Mahi-mahi). Uh, I won’t mention the water cannons.

Of course, once we were off the boat, a few of us (myself, Pam, George, Perry) kept our sea legs for a bit. Lots of fun. Even more fun was the group game of asshole, where my co-asshole in crime, Jan, and I couldn’t get out of being assholes until we cheated. Yeah, we cheated. Guess I’m going to have to pay for that at Bar Golf.

But before the night was over, our energy building, it was off for another wild night at Fast Eddies. Forget the lame casino. We were too busy dancing on the bar and later slam-dancing. But the highlight of the evening had to be the discovery of … another Scott and Laura!!! Geez. Just when I was thinking I could barely handle one pair…kidding. What a perfect reason to have a Kamikaze toast: To Scott and Laura! And another one: To Scott and Laura! And another one…you get the idea.

But alas, we had one more day to recover, or so I thought. Things started rocking early as the water cannons came out firing. It wasn’t long before Scott and Perry, traversed a jungle, donned snorkel gear and covertly assaulted the beach, entertaining the curious onlookers, while dousing the unsuspecting victims (i.e Andrew and Jan). And returning from a dive trip, Lisa and I received the same in kind. Thanks guys. Wait until Bar Golf.

In a final attempt to relax, a croquet game was organized. Maybe if Perry wasn’t there it would’ve been relaxing. Anyway, after breaking 4 hoops, polishing off most of the firewater, suffocating through a mosquito repellent fog cloud attack and watching a wedding, we were pretty much blitzed. Who’s idea was it anyway to do (alcohol) shots for (croquet) shots? To add insult to injury, Scott was required to polish off the vodka thanks to Andrew. And I guess you can use that excuse for breaking the pool railing???

Well, at least we were all in the mood for a final wild night at Fast Eddie’s. More Kamikazes, more dancing on the bar and, of course, Scott and Laura (now married) who even joined us at the late night food bar. But my personal highlight was waxing Pam 10-0 in foosball. Yiha!

And before the vacation ended, there was one last, late night water fight where Scott lost both contacts. And you know, it’s not a vacation til someone loses a contact.

Well, I guess there was one more brief encounter, the final morning, where I sought revenge, attacking with Lisa’s pea shooter, accidentally dowsing a serene Mexican couple. Oops! Scott managed to empty his water cannon on my pants just before departure. I’ve always wanted to spend a few hours with a hair dryer down my only pair of clean pants.

And then we were all off to our respective home cities. Besides, I think we all need a break. So now I wait for Bar Golf. I should recover by then.


Posted by mbang at 12:30 PM